Mommy? Where do noobs come from? The lifecycle of a noob is a complex, beautiful miracle. Fledgling noobs gestate inside small, biometric pods through a series of complicated photosynthetic processes. Once a budling noob has matured through gestation, they climb out of their pod, sit down at a PC, ask a bunch of questions that are clearly in the FAQ, and voila! The Nooblet is born!

"Voila! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is it vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished, as the once vital voice of the verisimilitude now venerates what they once vilified. However, this valorous visitation of a bygone vexation stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose vis-a-vis and introduction, and so it is my very good humor to meet you and you may call me "V."